Xigbar Is
by 2Foxxie4U
Summary: It's been a while since Xigbar roughed up Demyx for calling him "old timer". So when Demyx gets a chance to exact his revenge, how can he resist?
1. And so it began

Warning: This fanfiction succesfully degrades Xigbar in, just about, every way possible. Do not read unless prepared. XD ...I like applesauce.

**Xigbar is…?**

_**A few months later…**_

Demyx rushed through the hallway of Castle Oblivion, panting. "How come I'M the one who has to get him…?" he whined under his breath. Right now, he was searching for Xaldin – it was suspected that he was the one who had stabbed the PC. He'd probably had some problems winning a particularly hard game and stabbed it out of frustration. Demyx had already gone Number 3's room, and he wasn't there. So now, he was running around the castle like a chicken with its head chopped off, looking for "The Dreadlocks and Sideburns of DOOM".

That's when he heard music blasting somewhere close. It seemed it was coming from Xigbar's room… Faintly, he could make out the words – _"Listen up, ya'll… Cuz this is it! The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious!"_

Demyx stopped. "Oh, wait a minute... THAT'S my song." He glanced around quickly, then sneaked back to Xigbar's room. "Xaldin can wait… The song's only, like, 4 minutes, right?"

He got back a little after the verse started. "…make them boys go loco. They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo…"

_Wait a sec…_ He thought, narrowing his eyes. _Is it just me…? Or does it sound like someone else is singing along with it…? _He snickered a little, thinking about how funny it would be to catch Xigbar singing this song – blackmail for MONTHS!!! He held his hand to his mouth, to stop from laughing out loud, and cracked the door open part way, and gasped. What he saw was too good to be true.

Xigbar was dancing in the middle of his room with nothing but boxers on, holding his hairbrush to his mouth like it was a microphone or something. He had a HUGE grin on his face, and was singing in his best imitation of Fergie's voice. It was pretty good, too. Luckily, his back was turned to the door, so he couldn't see Demyx spying on him.

Xigbar – The Freeshooter – in nothing but his boxers, singing in a girly voice, and shaking his butt to "Fergalicious"… It was too much for Demyx to handle. He sank to the floor, trembling and giving little giggles while pressing his hand to his mouth harder. He couldn't help it – was just too funny. He was trying his best keep his self control and not to burst out laughing.

While Demyx was slumped on the floor, trying desperately not to give himself off, Axel came around the corner, looking around. "Oh! Demyx! There you are! Where have you been? The Superior—"

Demyx quickly jumped up, as quietly as he could. He pressed one finger to his lips with a, "Shhhh…!" And then, he got a surprisingly evil idea on a way to get back at Xigbar. Oh yes, he remembered that time Xigbar had shot at him for calling him "old timer" – he remembered it clearly. All he'd done was call Xigbar a little name. And he'd gotten shot at! But now, it was time for payback.

He glanced back into the room, and motioned for Axel to come over. Axel raised an eyebrow, then crept over to where Demyx was standing. He peeked though the crack in the door.

Xigbar was now making a lot of dramatic hand motions to go with the words. "…And if you was suspicious, All that (he paused) is fictitious. I blow kisses (he blew a kiss at an imaginary person) I put them boys on _rock, roc_k! (he made a sorta pumping motion with his arm when he said this) And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got. So delicious..." And that's when he started popping.

Axel clapped his hand over his mouth, and leaned on the door frame for support. His whole body was shaking with mirth. "Can't… Breathe…" he whispered to Demyx. "So… Funny…"

"I know!" Demyx mouthed back, wiping his eyes.

"What's going on…?" They both turned around to see Luxord, Roxas, and Saix staring at them accusingly.

The two glanced at each other, put their fingers to their lips, and motioned them to come over wildly.

Roxas and Luxord looked at each other, shrugged, and went over. Saix followed behind, skeptically.

"What…?" Roxas asked softly as he arrived. Axel and Demyx just pointed into the room. He blinked, then looked in. Luxord looked in after him.

"…Fergalicious, definition: make them boys go crazy! They always claim they know me, comin' to me – call me Xemmy! I'm the 'X', 'I', 'G', the 'G', the 'I', the 'E', and can't no other 'Member put it down like me! (he swung his hips as he said these last few words.) I'm Fergalicious! ..."

Roxas began giggling, and put his hand over his mouth. Luxord's mouth dropped open as he watched Xigbar prance around more in his undies. _So… Hot…_ he thought, his eye twitching.

Axel stared at him. "Hey, uh… Luxord…? You alright, man?" He waved his hand in front of Luxord's face. No response. _The lights are on but no one's home… _he thought.

Saix, who was now backing up, grinning, murmured, "I must tell the Superior…!" then took off, snickering.

"Spread the word!" Demyx whispered after him. Saix nodded.

Demyx turned back around, watched Xigbar make a fool out of himself a little more, and then chuckled to himself. _Excellent…_

_**And so it began…**_

AN: Ew... This fanfic is so old and nasty, it makes me laugh. XD But, hey - overall, it's a great improvement over my first one, right? Right?

.......... Right.

Anyways, yeah. Luxord has a massive crush on Xigbar (cuz I'm corny that way! ;D) but no one really knows it\choses to ignore, including Xigbar himself. It's kinda an on-going joke in a lot of my fanfics. And so is this whole ordeal, but I don't think I make as big of a deal out of it. XD It was nice doing this, though... Really a blast from the past! Next chaptuuur!~


	2. To the G, G, Y

Xigbar had no idea he was destroying his reputation and his dignity to go with it… As far as he was concerned, he was just singing and dancing to a song he liked.

He put the hairbrush to his mouth as the vamp came. "Baby, baby, baby…" he sang sweetly. "If you really want me… Honey, get some patience. Maybe then you'll get a taste." He started gently rocking his body with the song. "I'll be tasty, tasty! I'll be laced with lacey! It's so tasty, tasty… It'll make you crazy!"

Then he started popping again as he rapped in Will I Am's voice, "T', to the 'A', to the 'S', 'T', 'Y', damn, I'm so tasty! 'X', to the 'I', to the 'G', 'G', 'Y', damn, I'm so tasty! 'D' to the 'E', to the 'L' 'I' 'C' 'I' 'O' 'U' 'S', to the 'D', to the 'E', to the – to the – to the – hit it Xiggy!"

He stopped popping, and started rapping in Fergie's voice once again, "All the time I turn around 'Members gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my uuhh… (he pressed his fingers to his lips as he said this). I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up drama, lil' mama, I don't wanna take your man! And I know I'm coming off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how Nobodies wanna eat it. But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele 'cause they say he's…"

He pranced around his room a little more, stepping to the beat, with a grin as big as Kingdom Hearts itself plastered on his face. _GOD, I love this song! _he thought, still singing his own little version of Fergalicious.

A few seconds passed. He counted off on his fingers as he shouted, "Four, tres, two, uno! …My body stay so vicious!" He pumped his arm up as if lifting weights as he said, "I be _up_ in the _gym,_ just working on my fitness! He's my witness! (he paused as the radio shouted '_Oooh, wee!'_) I put yo' boy on _rock, rock,_ (he made the pumping motion from before again) And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got!"

He swayed back and forth grinning as he sang, "So delicious… (he paused as the radio sang, '_Aye, aye, aye, aye…'_) So delicious… ('_Aye, aye, aye, aye…'_) So delicious… ('_Aye, aye, aye, aye…'_) I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty… tasty…?"

Suddenly, he became aware of the chorus of muffled giggles and chuckles. He blinked and glanced around as the radio continued without him, "_It's so delicious… (aye, aye, aye, aye) So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)…"_

_Oh! It's coming from outside of my room!_ He thought, snapping his fingers. He looked at his door, and for the first time, caught sight of that crack in it. He dropped his hairbrush, and sighed, rubbing the back of his head. _Oh crap… I hope Axel, Demyx, or Xaldin didn't see me dancing like that… _He thought, making his way to the door. _They'd never let me live it down…_

He reached the door, sighed again, and started pushing it open. "Wha—_**OH MY GAWD!!!!!"**_ He'd expected to see one or two members of the Organization giggling at him dancing in his undies. Instead, he came face to face with THE WHOLE FREAKIN' ORGANIZATION all with their hand covering their mouths and giving little giggles. All except Luxord. He was staring at Xigbar as if mesmerized. But that didn't exactly make Xigbar feel any better…

His cheeks became a bright pink-ish color. "Uh… Uh… W-What are you—" he coughed a bit into his hand to clear his throat. It still sounded like Fergie's. This just made the rest of The Organization giggle more. His cheeks turned as red as a tomato. "I mean…" he whimpered in his normal voice, "W-What are all of you guys d—"

"Oh, _please…_ Don't stop because of _US!_" Xemnas cut in, smirking. All attention instantly shifted to him. "_Please _continue, Mr. Xig-alicious!"

"We be 'linin down the block just to watch what you've got' _just_ like you said!" someone else called from the crowd. Probably Xaldin…

"YEAH!" Demyx piped up. "What was that one thing you were doing…?" Without waiting for an answer, he started doing a goofy imitation of Xigbar's popping.

Axel giggled. "I wonder how you'd look doin' the 'Walk it Out'!" he jeered. It was too much for the Organization to handle, and they all cracked up, roaring with the pent-up laughter that they'd been holding in all that time.

Xigbar's whole face turned a deep red color as he glanced around. Everyone in The Organization was laughing at him… _Everyone._ Including Zexion.

Zexion.

Number VI. Zexxy. The Cloaked Schemer – MR. EMO, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!

Laughing.

Surely, the world was gonna end in 3 days.

Xigbar looked around again, hurt and embarrassment shining brightly in his eyes. He sighed, and lowered his eyes to the ground.

Luxord saw this, and instantly felt badly about laughing at poor Xigbar. He choked down the rest of his laughter, and declared, "Aw, c'mon, guys! Don't be like that!" Everybody stopped and looked at him. He grinned, happy to have this chance to prove himself to Xigbar, and boldly stated, "Hey! I _liked _his dancing!"

Silence. Xigbar slapped his forehead, then murmured, "Gee, thanks a lot, Luxord… That really meant a lot comin' from you."

He'd meant it sarcastically, but Luxord must have taken it as a compliment, because he beamed, and chirped back, "You're welcome, Xiggy!~"

Xigbar slapped his forehead again. The looks on both of their faces were so priceless, that it sent the whole Organization into a fit of laughter all over again.

Luxord snapped back to attention, and looked around. "What? What did I say?" This just made them laugh harder.

Xigbar moaned, and looked up at the ceiling. _Please, God… Take me now…_

Xemnas held his side, still shaking with laughter, and gasped, "Okaaaaay… as comedic as this experience was, Luxord's right. We all have things to do, and we cannot simply stand here laughing ourselves into a coma." He crossed his arms, a faint smile on his face. "Back to work – all of you."

They all nodded and wandered off, giggling and chatting with one another. It was no secret who they were talking about, either. Xemnas glanced at Xigbar one more time, then rushed off, holding his hand to his mouth again, barely containing his laughter.

Demyx, Axel, and Xaldin grouped together, started whispering things to each other, then started singing together, in obnoxiously loud voices, "HE'S THE 'X', 'I', 'G', THE 'G', THE 'I', THE 'E', AND CAN'T NO OTHER MEMBER PUT IT DOWN LIKE XIGGY! **HE'S FERGALICIOUS!!!!**" and cracked up all over again.

"_**WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?**_"

Seconds later, they were all dashing through the halls, screaming, with a very pissed off Xigbar hot on their trails – both guns pulled out and ready to shoot somebody.

And so, Demyx's revenge was fulfilled.

No one really mentioned that incident to Xigbar's face again after that day. But sometimes, when he was walking down the halls, they'd snicker, and say something like, "*coughcoughFergaliciouscough*" or "Man… I really feel like goin' up to the gym and workin' on my fitness today… Gotta keep that butt vicious!" or… "Man… This thing is stuck. S, to the T, to the U, C, K, yep, this thing stuck." "Better _pop_ it…" "Could ya… _hit it_, Xig-gy?"

And if they were particularly brave (or just plain stupid), they'd actually go out of their way to find Xigbar, and announce in loud voice, "MAN! Isn't this the most _Xig-alicious_ day you've ever seen? Yep, it ain't _promiscuous_ or nothin'!" …To their own risk, of course…

After a month or two, they got tired of tormenting Xigbar, and eventually moved on to something else. Even so, no one in The Organization ever quite forgot about that day… Xigbar never found out it was Demyx who'd set him up for the most embarrassing day of his life, either. But one thing was for sure.

Xigbar never listened to Fergalicious ever again.


End file.
